In Memoriae
by Elburn
Summary: Coping with grief is never an easy thing...
1. Chapter 1

**In Memoriae**

Yuna stood in silence with the small crowd gathered around the circle in the middle of Besaid village. She swallowed back her urge to sob and blinked back her tears as the deacon lead the intercessions, a part of the memorial service held to honour all those who had died before the Calm arrived.

Two days ago, Yuna had defeated Sin. It had been no easy task. She had started out, fully believing in a teaching that said she could restore peace to Spira by becoming a sacrificial lamb, even if it was only temporary. She had set out to bring an end to sorrow. She had set out to bring hope that, perhaps this time, Sin wouldn't return -- that the followers of Yevon had made a final atonement, and Yuna's sacrifice was its seal.

He had joined her entourage, right here in the village.

Initially, Wakka and Lulu had refused her requests to allow him to become a guardian. However, after the events of Luca, and Sir Auron's firm insistence…

The boy from Zanarkand didn't even know how it would all end.

_"Let's go to Zanarkand! Let's defeat Sin!"_

Yuna had smiled at his enthusiasm. Although his words, to the ears of an outsider, would seem like he was rushing her on to her death… in truth, he simply _didn't know_. He thought they could defeat Sin and live to tell the whole grand tale of their journey.

He had been in for a rude awakening, one that, she was told, had torn him apart and thrown him into a rage. The remorse that had surged through him had been palpable that night in Macalania Forest, following their escape from Bevelle.

Yevon had betrayed them all.

Following Maester Seymour's death and Yuna's near marriage to his shade, the pilgrims had been captured, charged, and thrown into a maze that echoed the guilt of their transgression. They had escaped with their lives and continued on as exiles from their faith and outlaws in the eyes of the theocracy.

Finally, in Zanarkand, they had cast off their faith, their beliefs, their raison d'être, and vowed to find another way.

That "other" way involved killing each of Yuna's aeons in turn, and then… and then, _he_ disappeared… in a shower of sparks, just as the Fayth had warned them: "the dream will end. The dream will vanish."

Yuna softly whispered a prayer in the moment of silence during which the small congregation brought to mind those who had passed on, praying for his soul, praying that he found peace, wherever he had disappeared to.

At last, the priest dismissed them with a final blessing.

"For Yevon so loved the world," the priest said, performing the prayer bow, "that he gave his only life, and his only daughter, that those who believe should not perish, but share in the everlasting Calm, both in this world and in the next."

The priest raised his arms a little, continuing. "May the peace of Yevon be with you all, as well as those whom you love, and those for whom you pray, this day and forevermore."

"Let it be so," the crowd whispered in return.

Yuna found her voice stuck. Unable to finish the response, she swallowed again, desperately trying to rid herself of the urge to just dissolve in her sorrow. Her eyes overfilled with warm tears that finally began to stream down her hot cheeks.

Thankfully, the crowd was beginning to disperse. Without another word, Yuna dashed away to Lulu's hut. Wakka began to follow her, but Yuna heard Lulu tell him "no" -- she needed time.

Yuna nearly immediately threw herself onto the cot, pressing her face into the pillow, her body shivering with each sob, the pillow absorbing her tears as she cried, finally able to grieve in quiet and privacy.

Ultimately, even the Fayth had betrayed her.

Why had they taken him from her? Why couldn't he have continued to live? Yes, he was a dream, but did that give them the right to deny his existence?

The questions spiralled through her mind. There were too many of them, and they had never been answered. And she would never again have a chance to ask them, now that the statues in the temples were cold and dead, the spirits once trapped within sent to the Farplane.

He was gone. He was _dead_. A faded, broken dream.

A dream that Yuna would never forget.

Nobody dared to come to the door, or show their face. Nobody dared to try and comfort her. Nobody was brave enough to handle the lapse in her normally stoic nature. Nobody knew what to do.

Eventually, her crying quietened as she fell asleep at last.


	2. Chapter 2

**In Memoriae**

Yuna awoke the next morning to the smell of cooking. Lulu smiled thinly, and handed her a beaker of soup garnished with vegetables, then placed a cup of tea on the table next to the cot.

Her chest ached from how hard she been crying before she had fallen asleep. Yuna's eyes were sticky and felt slightly stiff around the edges. She downed the soup in silence, and followed it up with the tea, murmuring a few words of thanks to Lulu, who just nodded in response.

The silence was uncomfortable.

Having eaten and washed, Yuna left the hut, stepping out into the cool air and warm sunshine of the village. A few villagers bowed to her, but most maintained a careful silence, unwilling to cause another reaction like that of the previous night. Besides -- until a couple of days ago, Yuna had been an outlaw. Although the villagers of Besaid hadn't fully believed in the propaganda that was being spread by the priests and temples of Yevon, there was something of a wary manner in which they now treated her, as if fully aware now of what their young Summoner was capable of.

It wasn't going to be easy to reintegrate into society, even after having her status erased by her heroic triumph over Sin.

The villagers had no idea what that triumph had cost.

Yuna meandered up the hill, away from the village. She didn't even look back as she passed the overlook she had so once loved. She didn't stop to pray at the monolith. She just kept on going.

As she passed under the waterfalls, the droplets were cool yet satisfying against her face, refreshing.

She wandered on, past the bridges and down to the beach. The Aurochs waved to her cheerfully. Yuna tried to smile, pretending to be okay, then hurried on to the pier.

The ocean, she knew, didn't go on forever -- just a day's journey away by ferry was Kilika island. Yet… The ocean seemed so large and wide as it reached for and hugged the horizon, only interrupted by a tiny bump in the flat line between the water and the sky.

Yuna looked back over her shoulder, and then, moistened her lips and brought her fingers to her mouth.

She inhaled deeply, the salty sea air filling her lungs.

Then, she let loose a sharp blast of that air, whistling loudly, just as _he_ had taught her.

There was nothing.

Yuna breathed in again, and whistled through her fingers, desperate that he should hear her.

Nothing.

Another breath and another whistle.

Nothing.

Yuna took another breath, and just as she let loose another loud whistle, a voice behind her interrupted her.

"Lady Yuna!"

Yuna gasped, and turned around.

"Lady Yuna, what are you doing?"

"Oh!" Yuna looked at her fingers, and then placed her hands on her skirt, bowing to the owner of the voice.

"Sir Gatta, I…" She paused, then said, "when I was on my pilgrimage, he taught me to whistle. It was… it was our way of ensuring that if one or the other of us went missing, then we knew that we wouldn't be lost for too long. Sadly… it doesn't seem to have quite worked out that way."

"I see…" Gatta murmured. His eyes were sympathetic. He knew only too well what it was like to lose someone, having lost his superior, Luzzu, in Operation Mi'ihen. After that, he had turned his back on the Crusaders and returned home to Besaid to await the Calm.

There was an awkward silence, neither of them quite sure what to say. Gatta looked down at the pier and scuffed his foot against the wood. Then, he looked up at her.

"Would you… teach me how to whistle like that?" He asked at last.

Yuna blinked, and then nodded. She glanced down at her fingers, then brought them to her mouth again.

"Just put your fingers in your mouth, like this…" she said, unconsciously parroting the words that _he_ had used when teaching her. "And just blow."

Gatta made an attempt at it which came out as a loud squeak. He smiled bashfully.

Yuna smiled for what seemed like the first time in a long while.

"It… takes a little practice," she explained.

"Thanks, Lady Yuna." Gatta replied.


End file.
